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millieanneLivejournal didn't really pan out, and Wordpress is so painfully paywalled, so... here we go!
My mom is having a heart catheterization next week. About a month ago she was worried she was having a heart attack — luckily, it wasn't, but she's been having a lot of cardiac tests done. The cardiologist had her do a stress test. While they're not totally accurate (the nurse said 70-80%), the test showed she may have some plaque in her arteries.
I won't lie, I'm worried. Both my parents have been having more health problems over the last few years. Which makes sense, they're getting older, but... it still feels so weird. I'm having to think about what would happen to me if they were gone. Hopefully that won't be for a very long time. But I'm really having to contend with mortality again.
I guess that's part of what's pushed me back to trying religion again. That, and thinking about my grandmother, and how disappointed she'd be to see I have been an atheist since she died 13 years ago. I've been going to an Episcopalian church because while the service is very traditional, the values are progressive, which I really like.
I bought a new Bible as well. My grandmother's friend (I guess a god-grandfather to me, it's hard to describe) left me his when he died, but it's falling apart, so I don't want to take it anywhere. I look at it and it makes me a bit sad, too. Like, I've let all these people down for not believing in God. But I'm trying to approach religion from a new POV, one not riddled by guilt. I've been trying to focus on hope.
Do I think I'll actually be Christian ever again? That's hard to say. But I do like going out and talking to everyone there. And I've been feeling very moved by the sermons. The rector at the church I've been attending denounced white nationalism and Zionism at the very first Eucharist I went to, so that gives me a lot of hope that there ARE good Christians still. I guess that's another reason I started going to church — to see if there really were good Christians left.
The pattern is the Bell Blossom sweater, by Savannah Price (or savannah.stitches). I'm very happy with the result BUT... I'm already considering remaking it. I can already see lots of little imperfections, and I should have made a size up. But c'est la vie. Like I said, I really am happy with the result. Maybe I'll give this smaller result to my sister. And I learned a LOT about constructing garments.
So that's been life recently!
Thanks for reading, if anyone is reading this.
My mom is having a heart catheterization next week. About a month ago she was worried she was having a heart attack — luckily, it wasn't, but she's been having a lot of cardiac tests done. The cardiologist had her do a stress test. While they're not totally accurate (the nurse said 70-80%), the test showed she may have some plaque in her arteries.
I won't lie, I'm worried. Both my parents have been having more health problems over the last few years. Which makes sense, they're getting older, but... it still feels so weird. I'm having to think about what would happen to me if they were gone. Hopefully that won't be for a very long time. But I'm really having to contend with mortality again.
I guess that's part of what's pushed me back to trying religion again. That, and thinking about my grandmother, and how disappointed she'd be to see I have been an atheist since she died 13 years ago. I've been going to an Episcopalian church because while the service is very traditional, the values are progressive, which I really like.
I bought a new Bible as well. My grandmother's friend (I guess a god-grandfather to me, it's hard to describe) left me his when he died, but it's falling apart, so I don't want to take it anywhere. I look at it and it makes me a bit sad, too. Like, I've let all these people down for not believing in God. But I'm trying to approach religion from a new POV, one not riddled by guilt. I've been trying to focus on hope.
Do I think I'll actually be Christian ever again? That's hard to say. But I do like going out and talking to everyone there. And I've been feeling very moved by the sermons. The rector at the church I've been attending denounced white nationalism and Zionism at the very first Eucharist I went to, so that gives me a lot of hope that there ARE good Christians still. I guess that's another reason I started going to church — to see if there really were good Christians left.
Anyway, I've finished a medium crochet project recently. I wore it this weekend.
The pattern is the Bell Blossom sweater, by Savannah Price (or savannah.stitches). I'm very happy with the result BUT... I'm already considering remaking it. I can already see lots of little imperfections, and I should have made a size up. But c'est la vie. Like I said, I really am happy with the result. Maybe I'll give this smaller result to my sister. And I learned a LOT about constructing garments.
So that's been life recently!
Thanks for reading, if anyone is reading this.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-02 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-02 03:41 pm (UTC)I'll give you access to my journal
Date: 2025-04-02 07:32 pm (UTC)looks like you do have a wider netprint
than this fresh start but I didn't go looking
but this is a good start.
being atheist can be lonely
there's a small support group unless
you're in a city.. where they have gatherings
I grew up lutheran no choice but I was seriously
into it but never was happy with the original sin thing
so the need for a pascal lamb sacrifice and
the ot tribe happiness of passover and not caring
their neighbors were in mourning.
as much as I'd want a support group
being in a service and when they'd talk about it
I'd probably tell them I think its BS.
that would be rude and bad to poke at their foundations
so I stay away, people need their beliefs
I just don't think they have a right to push them on me.
children are a gift and they start out pure
they do manipulate but its about survival.
sigh and there's the other tenents of faith
I am not looking for the end of the world.
like some of those recreating viking myths.
its our place to create heaven on earth now
not in valhalla (afterworld pleasure palace)
the only evil I've seen is the actions of people
I really think that the war of good verses evil is krap too
well that is my veiw of those organized religion/philosophies
I was active/trained in wicca but I'm out here as a hermit?
I'm more of an animist working on living with the spirits
around me in wisconsin.
but if you choose to stick around
after reading my journal
(you might not find me a comfortable fit)
I'll support you in your choices
that's what friends are for.
but when your folks are aging it helps
to have a support system they are used to.
mine had stroke and aneurysm and are gone now
so I might be able to support you through this life challenge?
once the drs start people on the heart fear track
it really makes life living in spite of them. I think
the stress test is just that how stressed can I make you.
she sounds old enough to be encountering menopause,
your hormones dropping can set up panic attacks
and seem like a heart attack.
looking at hormones is a last resort in the modern practice
testing is hard because they fluctuate through the day
you have to pay attention to what's going on and treat that.
you did a great job crocheting the top.
it looks like a fun thing to party in
I knit/crochet/weave pretty much anything with cloth
and lately I've been coloring a paisley scarf
using embroidery.
bims
my pictures are here
"https://www.flickr.com/photos/faunhaert/"
if you choose the albums you can find it sorted
to us rebuilding the house
or my embroidery or family etc
I am married Michael
but if I'd found a woman I loved
that would have been my choice
the heart choses irrespective of the body
I chose the name faun
but I think maybe it will change to sophie
I need more friends
I hope you need one more too
but its your choice be free to think and decide
<3 faun faunhaert
no subject
Date: 2025-04-02 08:23 pm (UTC)Ah, the banes of creating something new: finishing a thing only to see the myriad ways of making it better, lol. But it looks nice, I especially like the flared sleeves!
no subject
Date: 2025-04-02 08:38 pm (UTC)I understand the concern about parents. My parents are pretty healthy over all but in their 70's. My Dad has Rheumatoid Arthritis and my mom's knees hurt her a lot. It tends to be me that has more health issues though. In January I had a heart ablation which sounds a lot more serious than it was. I certainly hope that your parents are able to heal and be around longer for you because 25 is far too young to lose parents. I still think I'm too young and I'm a bit older than 25.
I have the same account name on livejournal, but because of the sanctions against Russia I haven't been able to pay for my account and keep my icons there so I while I updated it identically to DW, it's not my primary location anymore. I Love DW. It's not as isolated as a wordpress blog (which I have tried), and it's not as insanely public as some social media is, but it's a nice comfortable spot.
I've never been to an Episcopalian service, but I'm so very interested in those kinds. What do you like about it? The familiarity? Did you grow up going to those types of services?
I grew up and still am LDS (Mormon). I'm a very unusual one though because I have Bible study with my Methodist/Christian best friend, and I love to learn about other faiths, or other belief systems of any kind. I think there are good things in all faiths, especially when they denounce hatred. I'm not interested in hatred either, nor wars... it's all very sad.